A Buick That Runs on Milk?

I just read a story (click here) that says milk could soar to $5 per gallon by the end of the year, well over the cost of a gallon of gas. This bit of news seems to be throwing panick into dairy lovers of all ages and backgrounds. I’m here to say…who cares?!?

Let me explain.

Gas has so many benefits. It powers our cars, let’s us keep our grass in line (lawnmowers…keep it clean), helps us to create more and more motor scooter jokes, cleans anything off of anything (according to my dad), helps the charcoal get nice and hot really fast (again, according to my dad), let’s us vacation on the mighty seas on luxurious cruises, and keeps about 4 billion people around the world employed searching for, creating, selling and cleaning up gas. The only downside? Maybe…and it’s still controversial…maybe causes a small amount of greenhouse gases. Big Deal. So we have palm trees in Louisville.

Now, milk. What does it do? You can dunk cookies, and drown cereal. Big deal…I’ve been eating my cereal straight from the box, dry, for 30 years! Downsides? Lactose intolerance, and you have to drink somethink that comes from a freaky part of the cow. What were they thinkin’?

Personally $10 bucks a gallon for milk wouldn’t bother me. Frankly, I wouldn’t spend the $2.92per gallon of gas to go buy milk.

I say “Go Gas! No Milk!”

Compelling, aint it?

Old…So Old.

41 is blowin’ by, and 42 is coming on strong.

Age never seemed to bother me much, until the past 6 months or so. I’ve never been in great shape, and my body never used to hurt like it does now. I used to have to put on ointments to soothe muscle pain after playing basketball, or working hard in the yard all day. Now, I need ointments to just roll out of bed!

For some reason, I’m starting to feel like there’s more life behind me than in front of me. I start to wonder if I’m on the right path. If I’m doing what I’m meant to do. This may sound defeatist. As my High School football coach, Mr. Spoerl, would have said,” Whigham, you’re a fathead…now get out there and play ball!”

But something cool popped up on the news today. Today, for the first time in MLB (Major League Baseball) history, 7 men who are in there 40’s will start in games. Wow! Guys my age, pushin’ off the mound…throwin’ curve balls…striking out batters…winning games…making milions…millions…millions…

Somehow, now I feel worse!

Favorite Pastime Pt.2

After tonite’s LifePointe night at Slugger Field, I must say one thing…this church rocks! The fellowship, the genuine interest in each other, the ease with which everyone makes people feel at home…it amazes me every day!

Oh yeah…and Jamey throwin’ one down the middle. That rocks, too!

Favorite Pastime

It’s about 2 hours before LifePointe’s night at the Louisville Bats game, and it’s got me thinkin’: what ever happened to baseball being America’s favorite Pastime? I mean, we still love Mom and Apple Pie, so what about baseball?

It seems like anymore, the hype is all about the NFL and NBA. They hit harder, they move faster. The kids seem to be hypnotized by the stupid-huge contracts, and the endorsement deals.

I remember, as a kid, every summer day all the kids on our block went to Belmont Park and played baseball. And we played hard. We dove, we bunted, we ran out every ground ball. The pitched were fast, and curves and sliders were more than frequent. And it was everyday.

I remember going to Reds games with my dad. Several every year. And in the early 70’s, Riverfront was almost always at capacity.

What has happened since then? What’s different? I believe some of the problem is media…they love the faster games. But I also believe that some dads may not be sharing this pastime with their boys anymore. As with most traditions, the dad tends to be the initiator.

Whatever the reason, I still love the game. The smell of the grass. The way a hot dog always tastes better at the stadium. The roar of the crowd as a deep flyball almost makes it to the wall. And the little kids that bring their gloves to the game in hopes of catching a foul ball.

I still love the game.

Play Ball!

LifePointe Rocks and Broken Dreams

Sunday night, I saw the coolest thing since moving to River City…the LifePointe Church Band rockin’ out at the Hard Rock cafe.

How cool was it to see the guys who lead us in worship every Sunday leading a bar the same way?! And not only did we pack it in (if there was less than 60 LP people there, I would be shocked), but I noticed that regular patrons at the bar were getting into it. This is what it’s about…spreading the word anyway we can!

Now, that leads me to my main pointe (get it? pointe!) It falls under the category of broken dreams. Ever since I was in 4th grade, I wanted to “rock out”. I took lessons, I played at school talent shows. I tried to impress the ladies…and by ladies, I mean any 10 year old girl that would listen to my guitar stylings. Much to my distress, however, I never put it over the top with the guitar. Maybe I gave up to easy. Maybe I never tried hard enough. Perhaps my fingers were too fat. Whatever the reason, I knew I would never be Eddie Van Halen.

Over the years, I brought the guitar out of storage for brief boughts of pain and aggrevation….mostly disappointment. And, it quickly went back into storage. Last Christmas, my bride bought me a Playstation 2 with Guitar Hero. It was like reliving my own Vietnam…the characters on the screen boo-ing me as I fumbled through the music which was careening past the screen.

But now…now it’s different! Thanks to last night’s performance, I have been inspired! I will get my guitar out of storage, I will practice every day, I will “rock out”….well, not today, though. I have a lot to do. Maybe tomorrow. Next week at the latest. But Rock I shall!

Watch out, Eddie Van Halen…here comes Chris Whigham!

Cell Phone Fogey

I always thought of myself as someone who was fairly tech-savvy. I watched Star Trek since before I could walk (don’t let that fool you…I was a late bloomer). I live on my computer. I read the tech magazines. I drool over the cool stuff I cant afford at Circuit City. But I believe I have finally hit the tech-wall.

I just saw a commercial for the new i-Phone coming out. This “phone” is the next evolution in hi-tech. The commercial told me that with the new i-Phone, I can: watch TV, cruise the ‘net, listen to anyone of 873,067,978 songs I’ve loaded on it, find directions, watch music videos, buy baseball tickets, get advice on how to apologize to my wife when I’m wrong about something (which is always, I’m told), calculate the distance between galaxies to the nearest 1/4 mile, have virtual lunch with Secretary of State Condelisa Rice, and watch movies that haven’t even been made yet.

Wow. By this time, I’ve broken into a cold sweat. I want it. No, I need it. Now. I jot down the number to the nearest store to pre-order it, then reach for my cell phone. My little silver cell phone, with the numbers faded on the crooked keys, a ring tone that sound like the soundtrack to an old Atari game, and filled with stored phone numbers to people that I don’t even remember anymore.

I love that old phone. It’s junk, but it’s my junk. And it won’t cost me $499.

Father’s Day

Once again, another holiday which is supposed to make us fondly remember the impact of a relative is upon us: Father’s Day.

This is a good day. We remember times when our fathers taught us to tie our shoes, taught us to drive, taught us how to pretend to listen to our wives while still secretly taking in every moment of the game (Whoops! Did I say that out loud? OUCH! Shannon just hit me in the arm!).

TV tends to treat the American Father as an oaf, someone who stumbles along life and every now and then “gets it right.” His kids rarely respect him, and his wife merely tolerates him. While this does make for some entertaining moments (Homer Simpson is a personal favorite of mine), it does not do most dads justice.

Most dads I know are hard working men who do what it takes on a daily basis to put food on the table and keep his kids happy. My college fraternity brothers, with whom I spent many a late night with while we, shall we say, “painted the town red,” have turned into some of the most incredible dads I’ve know. (Side Note: In an ironic twist of fate, all of those guys have had daughters…a funny bit of “revenge”). My own dad, who had his shares of parenting mishaps, still holds a huge place in my heart. He taught me many of the values I hold onto today.

Lets all try to remember the great times with dad. There may have been down times, but today, just today, lets pretend they never happened.

So…here’s to all the dads on their special day. Most of us would not be where we are without them (which goes without saying!).

Louisville Top Ten

In the nine months since my wife and I have lived here (nine months already…wow!), when people find out we moved here from Vegas, the response more times than not is “Why did you move here?” Well, I just want to let all of those people that live here to know just what is so cool about Louisville. So, ala Letterman, here is my Top Ten Reasons Louisville Is A Good Place to Live.

10. It only rains every other day.
9. Rolled Oysters. (What the…?)
8. Contrary to popular belief outside the state, there are plenty of dentists in Kentucky.
7. Tax money not wasted on pesky things like road repair.
6. Mosquitoes are big enough to put a leash on and keep as cheap pets.
5. City motto changing from “Do Something Original” to “Where Else You Gonna Go…Indiana?!?”
4. Summer breeze plus Ohio River equals fun for the nose!
3. By day, Mayor Abramson runs city, by night he fights crime in a bird costume as Captain Cardinal.
2. Louisville banks no longer bury your money in their backyard…now use shoeboxes in dresser drawers.

And the number one reason that Louisville Is A Good Place to Live is…

1. The questions “Is It Hot Enough For You,” and Is It Cold Enough For You,” never get old!

Louisville Immigration Policy

The #1, huge topic in the nation right now is the debate on immigration. It is dividing political parties, families, and in some way, the nation. Every politician has their own opinion on how to fix the problem of millions of illegal aliens crossing the border: more border patrol, a 700 mile fence, stricter laws. They all have decent ideas, but none have the perfect solution. I have to inform all of you, and all of the D.C. politicians right now that I, Chris Whigham, have found the solution which will keep the influx of illegals from streaming into our nation: Simply move the
I-65 bridge from Louisville to the Rio Grande.

Seriously. Earlier today, at 2pm (which, I will add is not a rush hour in the traditional sense), it took me 45 minutes to drive over that bridge! And to make it worse, it was one of those jams where, when you finally got to “ground zero”, there was absolutely no reason for the jam! For my readers who do not live here in “Kentuckiana”, this bridge (named the JFK…very original), is about 1/4 mile long.

And this was all made worse but the unfortunate fact that I had just come from a Mexican lunch…both ironic and painful (if you know what I mean). As tears were coming to my eyes, and the 109 mile per hour traffic kept whipping by me in the left lane preventing me from switching over, I realized I was trapped in some type of twilight zone scenario. One which an illegal alien couldn’t even escape.

So, look, in the near future, for my new website: www.movethestupidbridgetomexico.com.

Everyone has to have a cause. This might as well be mine.

Man Flicks

Gotta tell ya…I love a good action flick. I’m not talkin about a drama with a car chase. I’m talkin’ about an old fashioned, knock down-drag out, car-flipping, guns blazing, chicks screaming, terrorists plotting, evil doing, good guy triumphing, blood pumping, adrenaline flowing, huge explosions happenin’ man-flick. That’s what I’m talking about.

Chick flicks are fine. But they have a time and a place. Dates, for instance. And…well, that’s about it. But a man-flick…that’s good for any occasion.

And what makes a good man-flick? In my humble opinion, it must have these 3 ingredients:

1) There must be a man who has been wronged, and will stop at nothing to correct it.
2) There must be an explosion or gunshot every 5 minutes
3) There must be a reasonable fear that if you go to the restroom, you will miss something big.

These are optional elements:

1) A love interest (but she must have limited lines) (Shannons gonna punch me)
2) Car Chase (these can be cool, but after so many chases over the years, is there a “fresh” one?
3) A dog. ( I like a hero that has a cool dog)

These are never good elements for a great action flick:

1) A love interest that talks too much (Shannon’s gonna punch me…hard)
2) Main characters played by ex-NFL players (almost always a bad move)
3) German bad guys (way overdone. Besides, they’ve had enough of a bad rap already)

Those are my rules. Simple. Complete.

So, I suggest you take the one you love, kiss her gently, put her in the car, and drive her to the movie theater to see a bunch of bad guys get blowed up really good!